peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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