I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize