Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When are your genitals available?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
