It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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