I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
