First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
