Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
