I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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