i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
