i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
