Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
