My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
