i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
