i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
