Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
