Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
