I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
