Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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