I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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