a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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