WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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