Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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