Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
