I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
