My sheets look like a crime scene.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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