Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
