im holly from the hills drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
