whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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