I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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