You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
