Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Couch. On fire.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
