It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
