Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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