it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
