Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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