You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
