Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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