new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
honey bunches of taint.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
