You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
