I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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