You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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