he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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