so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
