I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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