how can u be prego again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
