Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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