We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
