You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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