don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
