My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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