His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
