I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
