hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
