did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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