So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
