I wish my penis had an off switch
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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