it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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