Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
