you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
