Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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