There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
