what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
