Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
how drunk are you?
Several
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
