i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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