Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
