I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
