I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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