A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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