I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
