I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize