the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
