you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
