Plan B is the new Plan A
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
