I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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