bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
