Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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