oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
