Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
